In Defense of the Working Mom

I just read the following on Facebook and am, to say the least, fired up:

"People work because they cannot stand being around their children or because they put worldly possessions first in their lives."

When the writer wrote 'people,' he meant 'moms' in the context of the comments that were being made.

This bothered me, yes, because I am a working mom, but also because I am so sick and tired of judgmental generalizations and shaming other people. Even if I didn't work, this comment would have bothered me.

So, according to the comment above I can't stand to be around my children. Wow, so the fact that the days that I can swing picking them up from school are major highlights to me and that I will take work off to go on a field trip or pull them out of school for a birthday lunch means nothing. It must all be a façade. A way to make it look like I like being around them. Because, obviously I must not be able to stand their company since I hurry off to the office every day. But, that's just not right. I obviously love my children and schedule my free time around them, so it must be the other option. I must just be super-obsessed with worldly possessions.

That's right, folks I'm sitting up here on the hill, looking down on the rest of you. Driving my super fancy-shmancy cars (yes, plural), and carrying my $3000 purse. Let me share some facts with you:

• I live in close proximity to downtown Ogden in a cute little 1920s bungalow with one bathroom. Fancy, I know. And, by the way our location is getting better and better. We bought this house when we were still on one income and are still here because we are wise with our finances. We've put our blood, sweat and tears into making this house a lovely place to live.
• The public schools in our area are Title 1 schools, meaning the majority of the kids that go there live in poverty. This ain't no swanky neighborhood.
• We drive a 2004 Honda Civic and 1999 Astro Van. We take good care of them to avoid replacements. Of course, if we bought two new cars we could fit into that worldly image we apparently have much better...
• I shop for clothes primarily at Old Navy and buy everything on sale.
• The most expensive item of clothing I've bought cost $60 - and that was before I got married.
• My home is humble and well kept. It is warm and inviting.
• Get this - I don't own a cell phone.
• While we do have a few extras, they are for enriching the lives of our individual family members: gym memberships, dance classes, piano lessons, boy scouts, basketball, etc.
• The most I've ever spent on a purse is $20.
• I had my nails done once and felt guilty.

Hmmm... not looking too worldly, either. Could it be I work because it's what's best for my family?!

I didn't just wake up one morning and say, "Hey, you know, I'm just really sick of my kids and I want better stuff. I'm going back to work!" No, it took deliberation and soul searching, but it was the right decision for my family. I've been judged for this decision and have even lost a friend or two because of it. But, I know, and my entire family knows, it is what is right for us.

My children are not neglected. My husband and I work as a team to give them all of the time and attention they could ever want. They rarely need a babysitter and always have a parent with them before or after school. They know they are loved and always know that they have someone to talk to. They are successful and healthy have everything they need. I care about their education and send them to a charter school which, incidentally, requires a great deal of parental involvement.

I am not saying that every mom should be a working mom. I honor stay-at-home moms and the work they do. But, not all of us have the option and we should not be judged for our decisions. This is not the 1950s or 60s or even 70s. Life is not as simple. And, especially in the last ten years, the economy has just become wacked! I remember paying $.99 per gallon for gas and I have watched prices for everything rise and rise as payment for employment does not keep up with the demands of our economy.

I think what I want to say - what is most important here - is that we all need to get off of our high horses and stop judging! Stop making generalizations and realize that you cannot understand someone's life and their decisions until you have walked in their shoes. If you haven't been there, you don't know better than the person that is there right now. Let's all just be a little kinder and love each other for who they are. No one has the power to bring about positive change through negativity.

Blog Break

Maybe for a while. Maybe forever.

I've had an interesting experience this week. A blog post was written by someone I've never met. I thought what she had to write was fantastic and shared it with friends on Facebook. While many of my friends sang praises to the blogger, some others yelled from the rooftops about what a crime her opinions and perspectives were. And, I realized... I don't want to be in her shoes.

I love to write. I love to share my thoughts. But, I'm also very private. There are parts of my life that are pearls to me and I don't want to become so careless that I throw them out to world to decide for me whether or not they are special.

I have felt like something is missing from my life for the last few days and haven't been able to put my finger on quite what it is until this morning. And now I know. It's simplicity. All that I want is a simple, quiet life wrapped up in the love of my husband and children. Everything else is just the frosting on the cake.

So, I will continue to write. But, it will be in journals that my children can read when they're grown. I will continue my acts of kindness, but will keep them to myself. I don't want to be a loud voice screaming out to the world for attention. I want my world to be smaller. I want to have an impact on that world - and I will. But, I don't feel it necessary (at this moment) to make my voice heard for all to hear - just to those around me.

365 Days of Kindness - Days 3-12

The last couple of weeks have been so busy - my little girl had her tonsils and adenoids removed and  I was working hard to get everyone ready for school. I've still practiced my acts of kindness every day, but haven't had the time to document everything. So, here's a quick, not-as-dolled-up-as-I-would-like list of what I've done:

Day 3 - I woke up early and got outside and cleaned our family van (my husband is the primary driver and uses it often for home-improvement projects). I vacuumed, scrubbed, wiped, you name it - the whole process took me three hours and it went from grimy and icky to shiny and pristine. And, it was all done before he woke up. I never mentioned to him how I had spent my morning and when he went to run an errand later in the day was very surprised by his clean van. It made him really happy and he's mentioned it several times since. :)

Day 4 - I wrote anonymous letters to a couple of sweet friends, letting them know how special they are and how much I appreciate them.

Day 5 - I drove with kindness. I know that may sound kind of hokey, but driving through rush hour in Utah is no walk in the park. I'll just leave it at that... This was the perfect day for it, too because I drove through an accident that had a rolled over truck on my left and a fire on my right (I know, right?!). I was super-courteous and my experience through the traffic accident was very easy because of it. And, it left me in an overall great mood for the day - it's amazing how much driving stress is our own fault.

Day 6 - I set aside special time to play with my daughter. She hadn't been feeling well and her most favorite thing in the world is hanging out with me. I was glad to do it. I really should do it more often.

Day 7 - I left a Dt. Coke for a friend who had been out for an entire week and was sure to have a stressful full day back to work.

Day 8 - I donated school supplies to a local organization that was providing the supplies to under-privileged children in our area.

Day 9 - I smiled at everyone I passed. I often get discouraged by the lack of smiling here. I grew up in Texas where, when you smile, the person you smile at smiles back (or smiles at you first). I'm kind of spoiled in the way I expect everyone to be happy to see everyone. Here in Utah, it's a little different. I have often smiled at people and gotten the "I wish you would die," look. I try to remind myself that what they are giving has nothing to do with me, but it's still not pleasant. So, I went out of my way to smile at everyone - to pass on the cheer.

Day 10 - A little different - it was a kindness to the sad animals who never get played with at PetSmart. I took my kids - who LOVE animals - to play with the kitties. We held a few and the kids played with all of them and the kitties really, really appreciated it.

Day 11 - I left an encouraging note for a friend who looked like she was having a rough day.

Day 12 - I surprised my kids with a trip to their favorite ice cream shop for an after-the-first-day-of-school treat. They LOVED it and were so happy to spend some time there - it gave us a great opportunity to talk about their first day (and the owner gave them free waffle crisps - it pays to be cute!).


Phew! Caught up! In other news, my husband and I will be starting a Biggest Loser challenge (with real money involved - talk about incentive!) on Sunday. Any pointers out there? I want to win this baby!!

The Blog is Back

This last year has had its share of ups and downs and, frankly, when I experience stress my mind gets muddled and I just can't write. That is not to say that the stress has gone away my any means, but I'm learning how to manage it and have so much to say.
I really can't remember the last time I really posted on this blog prior to my 365 days of kindness posts. I think there was one that was filled with vague frustrations. Those frustrations that I was experiencing were the knowledge of a layoff that I would mostly likely (and ultimately was) be victim of. I had a job that I loved. I didn't think there was another job out there better suited for me. It involved all of the things that I loved to do, was close to home, paid exceptionally well, and I was surrounded by fantastic people. But, ultimately, they had to cut corners to keep themselves afloat and an Internal Communication Specialist is kind of an accessory position. I was like a nice pair of earrings. I made the company I worked for look pretty, but when it came down to it, they could survive without me (my position still does not exist at my previous employer).
The day I found out that I was ultimately laid off was a couple of weeks before Christmas. In fact, it was my kids' last day of school before Christmas break. Not the best timing, really. I was devastated and allowed to go home early that day. When I got home, I turned on the news and saw the most horrifying thing that I could imagine (actually, I had never in my life imagined anything of the like ever happening). You see, the day I was laid off and sent home early was the same day as the Sandy Hook tragedy. I cried and I cried and I cried. I was no longer upset about losing my fantastic job. I cried for those sweet children and more so for their parents. I felt their pain and prayed that I would never have to experience anything of the sort. I still pray for those parents. I learned such a lesson that day. Jobs will come and go, but my babies are my life.
Because of the nature of my layoff, I was able to enjoy some time at home on unemployment and soaked up that sweet time with my little ones. It wasn't too long before I found my new job, which felt like a perfect fit from the moment I walked in for my first interview. I work as a Marketing Coordinator in a hospital in a neighboring city. I still do a lot of internal communication, which I love, but am also able to play around with social media a lot, which has become a surprising passion of mine. I Facebook and tweet and blog (here's my favorite) and get paid to do it.
So, now I'm back, and so happy to be actively blogging again. I have so much to say. I want to reach out and hug all of the working moms out there. I never ever thought that I would be working mom. When I went back to work, the original plan was for it to be a temporary thing. Well, it's not. And, that's what works for our family. My husband and I are able to work together as team and care for our home and children together. They are never neglected. I want to talk about what I've learned about body image and dieting and intuitive eating. I want to talk about an AMAZING book I have been blessed to have read - Wife for Life - and its even more amazing author, whom I've been blessed to communicate with personally and learn directly from. I want to talk about my daily adventures. About my sweet family. About things that make me laugh. About new perspectives. I learn through writing things out. In the end, I don't think I really care if anyone reads this. Now, my vanity sincerely hopes someone will - if they can learn something from what I have to say, great! But, what I'm really going for here is to learn something myself - to improve the person I am through my own insights and to discover who I really can be as I unfold each layer of my thoughts and little moments of inspiration.

365 Days of Kindness - Day Two

Today's little act of kindness occurred at Old Navy and was so cool! I took my kids with me so we could exchange a few things and get a few more. My kids always beg for a quarter to get a ball from one of their ball machines, so I told them that we were going to put a quarter in the machine for someone else - and they loved the idea.

We moved on to look at some shoes close by and almost immediately heard a little one begging for a ball. An entire family headed for the ball machine and there was immediate confusion, "There's already a quarter in it." "Does it belong to someone else?" "What do we do?" Then the dad picked up the note I left behind and read it to his kids. (This entire time I'm trying to act like I'm not paying attention, pointing several different items out to my daughter, but really listening.)
The next thing that happened just made my day. The dad walked over to my son and gave him a quarter and handed me the note and said, "Someone left this in the ball machine. I wanted to pass the favor along." Such a great lesson for my children. They gave selflessly and had an almost immediate return. Of course, it won't always happen this way, but what a great thing for them to see on their first attempt of random kindness.
I did, in turn, put another quarter back along with the note. And, the best part was that as we got home and put their new school clothes away they weren't wrapped up in their new things, they wondered with excitement whether or not someone had gotten the second quarter with the note.

365 Days of Kindness

So, today I was feeling down - really down. I thought and thought and thought about what I could do to cheer myself up and finally came to the conclusion that the best way for me to be happier is to stop thinking about myself...

"OK," I thought, "I'll practice 30 days of random acts of kindness," and felt very satisfied. "Why stop at 30?" a little voice asked me. "If you really want to make a change, why don't you go for 365 days of kindness?" I couldn't come up with a good reason not to. So, here I go!

In an effort to better myself and make a bunch of people randomly happy, I am going to practice an act of kindness every day for 365 days and document each one here. (They won't be random - I'm a planner, can't do things l8ike this off the cuff, you know.)

So, I sat down during my lunch break and made a plan. "I'll start tomorrow," I thought. "Why wait for tomorrow? Start today!" That pesky voice was back. And, again, I had no good answer, so I started today.

My first random act was actually inspired by something that happened to my husband. He found a dollar bill taped to the vending machine for him to use. He was delighted. And, it was a quick, simple start to my year of kindness, so why not?

 

 

Here's to the start of a project that I hope will be life-changing... and to cheering up a lot of strangers. :)

 

BTW - I got that super-nifty printable HERE.

Assume the Good