In Defense of the Working Mom

I just read the following on Facebook and am, to say the least, fired up:

"People work because they cannot stand being around their children or because they put worldly possessions first in their lives."

When the writer wrote 'people,' he meant 'moms' in the context of the comments that were being made.

This bothered me, yes, because I am a working mom, but also because I am so sick and tired of judgmental generalizations and shaming other people. Even if I didn't work, this comment would have bothered me.

So, according to the comment above I can't stand to be around my children. Wow, so the fact that the days that I can swing picking them up from school are major highlights to me and that I will take work off to go on a field trip or pull them out of school for a birthday lunch means nothing. It must all be a façade. A way to make it look like I like being around them. Because, obviously I must not be able to stand their company since I hurry off to the office every day. But, that's just not right. I obviously love my children and schedule my free time around them, so it must be the other option. I must just be super-obsessed with worldly possessions.

That's right, folks I'm sitting up here on the hill, looking down on the rest of you. Driving my super fancy-shmancy cars (yes, plural), and carrying my $3000 purse. Let me share some facts with you:

• I live in close proximity to downtown Ogden in a cute little 1920s bungalow with one bathroom. Fancy, I know. And, by the way our location is getting better and better. We bought this house when we were still on one income and are still here because we are wise with our finances. We've put our blood, sweat and tears into making this house a lovely place to live.
• The public schools in our area are Title 1 schools, meaning the majority of the kids that go there live in poverty. This ain't no swanky neighborhood.
• We drive a 2004 Honda Civic and 1999 Astro Van. We take good care of them to avoid replacements. Of course, if we bought two new cars we could fit into that worldly image we apparently have much better...
• I shop for clothes primarily at Old Navy and buy everything on sale.
• The most expensive item of clothing I've bought cost $60 - and that was before I got married.
• My home is humble and well kept. It is warm and inviting.
• Get this - I don't own a cell phone.
• While we do have a few extras, they are for enriching the lives of our individual family members: gym memberships, dance classes, piano lessons, boy scouts, basketball, etc.
• The most I've ever spent on a purse is $20.
• I had my nails done once and felt guilty.

Hmmm... not looking too worldly, either. Could it be I work because it's what's best for my family?!

I didn't just wake up one morning and say, "Hey, you know, I'm just really sick of my kids and I want better stuff. I'm going back to work!" No, it took deliberation and soul searching, but it was the right decision for my family. I've been judged for this decision and have even lost a friend or two because of it. But, I know, and my entire family knows, it is what is right for us.

My children are not neglected. My husband and I work as a team to give them all of the time and attention they could ever want. They rarely need a babysitter and always have a parent with them before or after school. They know they are loved and always know that they have someone to talk to. They are successful and healthy have everything they need. I care about their education and send them to a charter school which, incidentally, requires a great deal of parental involvement.

I am not saying that every mom should be a working mom. I honor stay-at-home moms and the work they do. But, not all of us have the option and we should not be judged for our decisions. This is not the 1950s or 60s or even 70s. Life is not as simple. And, especially in the last ten years, the economy has just become wacked! I remember paying $.99 per gallon for gas and I have watched prices for everything rise and rise as payment for employment does not keep up with the demands of our economy.

I think what I want to say - what is most important here - is that we all need to get off of our high horses and stop judging! Stop making generalizations and realize that you cannot understand someone's life and their decisions until you have walked in their shoes. If you haven't been there, you don't know better than the person that is there right now. Let's all just be a little kinder and love each other for who they are. No one has the power to bring about positive change through negativity.

Blog Break

Maybe for a while. Maybe forever.

I've had an interesting experience this week. A blog post was written by someone I've never met. I thought what she had to write was fantastic and shared it with friends on Facebook. While many of my friends sang praises to the blogger, some others yelled from the rooftops about what a crime her opinions and perspectives were. And, I realized... I don't want to be in her shoes.

I love to write. I love to share my thoughts. But, I'm also very private. There are parts of my life that are pearls to me and I don't want to become so careless that I throw them out to world to decide for me whether or not they are special.

I have felt like something is missing from my life for the last few days and haven't been able to put my finger on quite what it is until this morning. And now I know. It's simplicity. All that I want is a simple, quiet life wrapped up in the love of my husband and children. Everything else is just the frosting on the cake.

So, I will continue to write. But, it will be in journals that my children can read when they're grown. I will continue my acts of kindness, but will keep them to myself. I don't want to be a loud voice screaming out to the world for attention. I want my world to be smaller. I want to have an impact on that world - and I will. But, I don't feel it necessary (at this moment) to make my voice heard for all to hear - just to those around me.

365 Days of Kindness - Days 3-12

The last couple of weeks have been so busy - my little girl had her tonsils and adenoids removed and  I was working hard to get everyone ready for school. I've still practiced my acts of kindness every day, but haven't had the time to document everything. So, here's a quick, not-as-dolled-up-as-I-would-like list of what I've done:

Day 3 - I woke up early and got outside and cleaned our family van (my husband is the primary driver and uses it often for home-improvement projects). I vacuumed, scrubbed, wiped, you name it - the whole process took me three hours and it went from grimy and icky to shiny and pristine. And, it was all done before he woke up. I never mentioned to him how I had spent my morning and when he went to run an errand later in the day was very surprised by his clean van. It made him really happy and he's mentioned it several times since. :)

Day 4 - I wrote anonymous letters to a couple of sweet friends, letting them know how special they are and how much I appreciate them.

Day 5 - I drove with kindness. I know that may sound kind of hokey, but driving through rush hour in Utah is no walk in the park. I'll just leave it at that... This was the perfect day for it, too because I drove through an accident that had a rolled over truck on my left and a fire on my right (I know, right?!). I was super-courteous and my experience through the traffic accident was very easy because of it. And, it left me in an overall great mood for the day - it's amazing how much driving stress is our own fault.

Day 6 - I set aside special time to play with my daughter. She hadn't been feeling well and her most favorite thing in the world is hanging out with me. I was glad to do it. I really should do it more often.

Day 7 - I left a Dt. Coke for a friend who had been out for an entire week and was sure to have a stressful full day back to work.

Day 8 - I donated school supplies to a local organization that was providing the supplies to under-privileged children in our area.

Day 9 - I smiled at everyone I passed. I often get discouraged by the lack of smiling here. I grew up in Texas where, when you smile, the person you smile at smiles back (or smiles at you first). I'm kind of spoiled in the way I expect everyone to be happy to see everyone. Here in Utah, it's a little different. I have often smiled at people and gotten the "I wish you would die," look. I try to remind myself that what they are giving has nothing to do with me, but it's still not pleasant. So, I went out of my way to smile at everyone - to pass on the cheer.

Day 10 - A little different - it was a kindness to the sad animals who never get played with at PetSmart. I took my kids - who LOVE animals - to play with the kitties. We held a few and the kids played with all of them and the kitties really, really appreciated it.

Day 11 - I left an encouraging note for a friend who looked like she was having a rough day.

Day 12 - I surprised my kids with a trip to their favorite ice cream shop for an after-the-first-day-of-school treat. They LOVED it and were so happy to spend some time there - it gave us a great opportunity to talk about their first day (and the owner gave them free waffle crisps - it pays to be cute!).


Phew! Caught up! In other news, my husband and I will be starting a Biggest Loser challenge (with real money involved - talk about incentive!) on Sunday. Any pointers out there? I want to win this baby!!

The Blog is Back

This last year has had its share of ups and downs and, frankly, when I experience stress my mind gets muddled and I just can't write. That is not to say that the stress has gone away my any means, but I'm learning how to manage it and have so much to say.
I really can't remember the last time I really posted on this blog prior to my 365 days of kindness posts. I think there was one that was filled with vague frustrations. Those frustrations that I was experiencing were the knowledge of a layoff that I would mostly likely (and ultimately was) be victim of. I had a job that I loved. I didn't think there was another job out there better suited for me. It involved all of the things that I loved to do, was close to home, paid exceptionally well, and I was surrounded by fantastic people. But, ultimately, they had to cut corners to keep themselves afloat and an Internal Communication Specialist is kind of an accessory position. I was like a nice pair of earrings. I made the company I worked for look pretty, but when it came down to it, they could survive without me (my position still does not exist at my previous employer).
The day I found out that I was ultimately laid off was a couple of weeks before Christmas. In fact, it was my kids' last day of school before Christmas break. Not the best timing, really. I was devastated and allowed to go home early that day. When I got home, I turned on the news and saw the most horrifying thing that I could imagine (actually, I had never in my life imagined anything of the like ever happening). You see, the day I was laid off and sent home early was the same day as the Sandy Hook tragedy. I cried and I cried and I cried. I was no longer upset about losing my fantastic job. I cried for those sweet children and more so for their parents. I felt their pain and prayed that I would never have to experience anything of the sort. I still pray for those parents. I learned such a lesson that day. Jobs will come and go, but my babies are my life.
Because of the nature of my layoff, I was able to enjoy some time at home on unemployment and soaked up that sweet time with my little ones. It wasn't too long before I found my new job, which felt like a perfect fit from the moment I walked in for my first interview. I work as a Marketing Coordinator in a hospital in a neighboring city. I still do a lot of internal communication, which I love, but am also able to play around with social media a lot, which has become a surprising passion of mine. I Facebook and tweet and blog (here's my favorite) and get paid to do it.
So, now I'm back, and so happy to be actively blogging again. I have so much to say. I want to reach out and hug all of the working moms out there. I never ever thought that I would be working mom. When I went back to work, the original plan was for it to be a temporary thing. Well, it's not. And, that's what works for our family. My husband and I are able to work together as team and care for our home and children together. They are never neglected. I want to talk about what I've learned about body image and dieting and intuitive eating. I want to talk about an AMAZING book I have been blessed to have read - Wife for Life - and its even more amazing author, whom I've been blessed to communicate with personally and learn directly from. I want to talk about my daily adventures. About my sweet family. About things that make me laugh. About new perspectives. I learn through writing things out. In the end, I don't think I really care if anyone reads this. Now, my vanity sincerely hopes someone will - if they can learn something from what I have to say, great! But, what I'm really going for here is to learn something myself - to improve the person I am through my own insights and to discover who I really can be as I unfold each layer of my thoughts and little moments of inspiration.

365 Days of Kindness - Day Two

Today's little act of kindness occurred at Old Navy and was so cool! I took my kids with me so we could exchange a few things and get a few more. My kids always beg for a quarter to get a ball from one of their ball machines, so I told them that we were going to put a quarter in the machine for someone else - and they loved the idea.

We moved on to look at some shoes close by and almost immediately heard a little one begging for a ball. An entire family headed for the ball machine and there was immediate confusion, "There's already a quarter in it." "Does it belong to someone else?" "What do we do?" Then the dad picked up the note I left behind and read it to his kids. (This entire time I'm trying to act like I'm not paying attention, pointing several different items out to my daughter, but really listening.)
The next thing that happened just made my day. The dad walked over to my son and gave him a quarter and handed me the note and said, "Someone left this in the ball machine. I wanted to pass the favor along." Such a great lesson for my children. They gave selflessly and had an almost immediate return. Of course, it won't always happen this way, but what a great thing for them to see on their first attempt of random kindness.
I did, in turn, put another quarter back along with the note. And, the best part was that as we got home and put their new school clothes away they weren't wrapped up in their new things, they wondered with excitement whether or not someone had gotten the second quarter with the note.

365 Days of Kindness

So, today I was feeling down - really down. I thought and thought and thought about what I could do to cheer myself up and finally came to the conclusion that the best way for me to be happier is to stop thinking about myself...

"OK," I thought, "I'll practice 30 days of random acts of kindness," and felt very satisfied. "Why stop at 30?" a little voice asked me. "If you really want to make a change, why don't you go for 365 days of kindness?" I couldn't come up with a good reason not to. So, here I go!

In an effort to better myself and make a bunch of people randomly happy, I am going to practice an act of kindness every day for 365 days and document each one here. (They won't be random - I'm a planner, can't do things l8ike this off the cuff, you know.)

So, I sat down during my lunch break and made a plan. "I'll start tomorrow," I thought. "Why wait for tomorrow? Start today!" That pesky voice was back. And, again, I had no good answer, so I started today.

My first random act was actually inspired by something that happened to my husband. He found a dollar bill taped to the vending machine for him to use. He was delighted. And, it was a quick, simple start to my year of kindness, so why not?

 

 

Here's to the start of a project that I hope will be life-changing... and to cheering up a lot of strangers. :)

 

BTW - I got that super-nifty printable HERE.

Assume the Good

Able, Acceptance

“Finally I am coming to the conclusion that my highest ambition is to be what I already am.”

            -Thomas Merton

Last week I had the opportunity to attend a training session at my work on Emotional
Intelligence. I spent five years studying Interpersonal Communication, so I ate this one up! During the training, we were asked to take an assessment on how effectively we perceive others and ourselves. My perception of others and their communication with me was off the charts. I can read people well, relate to how they are feeling, and know how to work effectively with them. However, when it comes to knowing who I am and how I’m feeling, well, I kind of suck at it. I realized after taking this assessment that I often base my opinion of myself off of what others think of me, whether they communicate their feelings toward me verbally or I perceive it from their actions and behaviors. This, of course, is an extremely risky way to build a self-assessment. I can spend half of my day feeling awesome because I’m around happy, positive people, and then turn around and walk around with a dark cloud hanging over my head because I was around a negative, critical person. That’s just no way to live. But, that is how I’ve lived my life.

So, I think I, finally, have found a real purpose for this blog. Discovering who I am and helping that person shine through. I heard from someone that it shouldn’t be a focus on what I want to do – because making a to do list that I just don’t have the time or energy to follow will just be disheartening. I should focus on what I want to be. So, this is what I will do.

As I was taking time to think this morning (which is a rare opportunity – to have enough solitude and quiet to actually think), I decided that today I would focus on being able and accepting. To be able, I will allow myself to believe that I can do just about anything. I actually took 5 minutes to do that 40-30-20-10 workout that boasts burning 100 calories, which seems to be a stretch (40 jumping jacks, 30 crunches, 20 squats, 10 pushups). I did it because I had a few minutes of waiting for my daughter this morning. I did it because I could, and it added just a little extra boost to my morning, giving me a bit more greatly needed energy. Allowing me to be able has also opened up the windows of my mind and made a better writer and communicator at work. I’ve had a pretty intense block the last while and it was wonderful to feel that freeing, able feeling.

In being accepting, I not only will let others be who they are and love them for it, but to let myself be who I am and love myself for it (it’s OK that I continuously leave my car keys by the kitchen sink!). Granted, I’m still figuring out who I am (well, I figured it out a long time ago, I’m reacquainting myself with me), but I am allowing myself to be absolutely accepting of the person I am and love the person I am.

I have to say, that this new way of looking at things has been very freeing. I’ve felt happier today than I have in quite some time. My self worth does not stem on what others think of me or on how they perceive me. They don’t know every part of me and have no leg to stand on in their judgments. Nor do they have a right to judge me – especially negatively. Only I truly know myself and only once I fully come to love and accept the person I am will other areas of my life come in order and bring joy to me and those around me.

This Face

Today was just awesome. We, collectively as a family, did absolutely nothing and are now refreshed and ready for the week (which will be a short work week - hurray!). We did find some time to make the most delicious chocolate chip cookies, however, so it wasn't a complete waste of a day.

And, this happened...

My little guy has been having teeth fall out left and right. It usually takes months for one to finally make it out (he's unsually patient), but this one just popped right out today. It's seriously a big deal in our house because he's my oldest and this is the first time I've really been through the whole losing baby teeth thing. I usually get ridiculously sentimental about the whole thing, holding his little tooth in my hand, thinking about how it was in his mouth when he was a chunky little one-year-old. Which is gross, really. I'd never in a million years stick my fingers in his mouth, but there I am cradling this little 7-year-old tooth...

It was fun getting pictures of him. He hates the flash on the camera and starts pulling faces like Chandler on that one episode of Friends when he and Monica went to get their engagement pictures...

This was one of my favorites, though:

He's such a handsome boy. He's got to stop growing up so fast. I just don't know what to do! He turns eight this week and will be celebrating his birthday Avenger style (I still have NO idea what I'm going to have planned, by the way). He has way too much faith in me and my party-planning abilities.
So, here's to my boy and his toothless grin. :)

Emerging

Don't you hate it when you start up a blog and then fall off the map?

I went through a sort of funk for about six weeks. No good explanation, maybe just the rebound effect of intense stress. And then, it took me about two weeks to sort of 'repair' from that massive funk. But, it has past and I'm in a better place than I've been maybe ever. And considering that there are some very unsettling circumstances in the temporal parts of my life, that's saying a lot. The things that are most important to me - my family, my marriage, my health - physically and spiritually - are being well tended. It's those things that I have absolutely no control over that are in a giant flux. But, what can I do about things I can't control? Just come up with a strong safety net...
Enough about all of this. Sorry if it's cryptic. I hate cryptic posts, but it's something I can't talk about because, frankly, I should have never known in the first place... Ugh, the life of someone who has their hands in more information than they wish they did.

Anyway. On to happier things. I've decided long term goals for me at he moment are absolutely impossible - unless I want to constantly rub my own inadequacies in my face. So, I'm focusing on little daily feats. After all, by small and simple things are great things brought to pass. My goal for tomorrow is to maintain this peace that I am so blessed with in such a crazy time and not let myself get rattled by the said uncontrolled circumstances eluded to above.

September - Tune In

I read somewhere that September is the new January - another opportunity to start fresh. Routines are solidifying and everyone has something to do and I am certainly seeking ways to follow through with my personal and family tasks in a much more effective manner.

I had a plan for what my happiness project for September would be and then I had a total paradigm shift that left me kind of grasping for goals that would better fit my current needs and help me grow in ways that are absolutely necessary at this time.

As a preface to my explanation of how I came to decide upon my goals, I will tell you that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (yep, like Mitt). On the first Sunday of each month, we have the opportunity to fast - go without meals or drinks for 2-3 meals and donate the money we would have spent on those meals to a fund set aside specifically for the needy. Fasting is difficult, but always provides me with wonderful insight that I doubt I would have received otherwise. Today I fasted for some specific guidance and throughout the day continued to hear the scripture "...by small and simple things are great things brought to pass." I still haven't found out specifically what that means - perhaps just that I don't need to do anything grandiose to improve myself, rather small and simple things.

So, here are my goals for the month of September:

Read scriptures daily
I do set aside time for it each day in my OCD day planning, but never seem to actually sit down and do it. It really does enrich my life when I make the time for it. I'm more in tune with myself and with the spirit and can just seem to handle life better.

See people/situations as they are
I have the problem with internalizing/projecting my feelings. When I feel a certain way about my self (ex: disappointed), I immediately assume that everyone else does, too. When I don't particularly like myself or think I look fat, I think everyone else feels the same way, piling on the misery. Really, this is my number one problem in life. I don't see things as they are, I see them a I am (see more here). I know that I can stop doing this - it just takes a lot of self-control.
I also want to see the best in the people around me - to recognize that each and every person is a child of God and give them the benefit of the doubt that they are trying to do their very best.

Love with patience and optimism
Everyone deserves a little patience. I need to count to 10 more and give the people around me a chance before casting judgment, as mentioned above. I also need to stop allowing myself to focus on the negative. Not only does it make me feel icky, but I know it pushes people away. I will start conversations on a positive note. If I have something negative to say, I'll say 3 positive things first.

Be open - don't control - allow things to happen in their own way
When things get stressful, I become a control freak. I try to perfectly orchestrate things so that nothing can go awry. Unfortunately, keeping such tight reigns on my life is not only exhausting, but also takes the magic out of living. Wonderful things happen on their own all of the time when you're not forcing things along. You're able to experience a little whimsy and sometimes the best memories come out of spontaneity. Also, when I loosen the reigns, I allow the Lord to have more of a hand in my life and allow Him to lead me on the paths that will make me into a better me - that make my weaknesses strengths.

I will keep tabs via my own little accountability chart to remind me to do these things each day and hope that these goals will make me a happier, more edified me next month at this time.

I also want to record on this blog my Intuitive Eating process, but will hold off on that for another post. It's going to be separate from my happiness project, but just as important.

Happy September!

Mission

Silver Lining

Stress.

I am totally stressed. And, I really need to vent. Hope you don't mind. But, I have a little rule with my kids that when the complain, they have to rattle off three good things about what they're complaining about. I want them to grow up with positive attitudes and not be little pessimists. So, in the spirit of avoiding hypocrisy (and keeping up with the happy theme I'm trying to maintain here), here I go...

I am in charge of a HUGE event at my work. An event that happens only once every seven years and it's in 17 days. I've been at my job for a little more than three months and have built this event into the awesomeness that it's going to be. Everything's coming together, but there are still some loose ends. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this event. In short, I'm kind of freaking out like all of the time. And, then there are the people who have already been to prior such events who just aren't interested in going because they've 'been there, seen that,' even though mine is going to be WAY better. They'll be missing out. And then there's the friend of mine who's being a total jerk face about the whole thing and mocking it every time I turn around. Seriously - he's like that stupid kid who taunts a snarling dog. Keep it up, and you're going to get snapped at. I've had to exercise immense self control around him.
Good things:
1. I'm not married to the punk. His poor wife. So grateful for my wonderful husband who knows better (and just has more sense and isn't a total social retard) and wouldn't keep acting like an idiot after seeing that it clearly annoys me.
2. This event WILL go off without a hitch. I know it.
3. In 18 days, it will be done and I will have relief. I'll also probably be sick. Just watch. September 16. Anyone want to take bets?

School has started. I have a kindergartener who is in half a day and it's heartbreaking for me not to spend that time with her, a 2nd grader who's had a hard first week after an over-indulged summer, an 8th grader who's going through 8th grade drama, and my husband in his 2nd year of nursing school and the zombification that it holds.
1. I have children. Every day I'm so so so grateful to have them and to be their mother. I feel like I was specially blessed with my children.
2. My husband's in his 2nd year of nursing school - we're almost done (sort of)! The school he's going to is impossible to get in and he's almost done with this program! Seriously, even with his 4.0, he didn't get in until his second try.
3. I'm not an 8th grader anymore. Nor will I ever have to be. Halleluiah!

On top of school, we have piano lessons, dance classes, and (soon) cub scouts to truck everyone to. And, let me tell you, dance shoes/clothes for two girls.... well, I don't even want to talk about that.
1. My girls are in dance. I danced. It's so good for you - body, mind, spirit, identity - everything.
2. My son is a very talented pianist. I know, I sound like a mom tooting her own horn, but it's true. Just ask his teacher.
3. We can provide these things for our family.

This darn blog. I love to write. I'm one of those truly weird people who just love it. That's why I'm keeping this blog. That, and it's my own happiness project - an opportunity for me to record my growth. But, seriously, no one reads this thing and a girl needs a little ego stroking every now and again. I think my readership is 1 person. Whoever you are, thank you (most likely mom or dad...). Of course, it could just be me checking my blog before signing in to post something...
1. It's an opportunity for me to be creative. Creativity breeds more creativity.
2. There is a slight possibility that maybe some day somebody might read it and take something positive from it. Maybe.
3. It's a great sounding board for me. I'm highly visual. When I read things I understand them. When I write down my feelings, I understand myself.

And, finally, the stress bloat. Something horrible happens to my body when I stress. I bloat. Like a balloon. I'm sure it's not that bad, but I sure notice it. I don't think it's weight gain (wouldn't know, I've created a new rule about the scale - we don't talk) because the only place affected is my abdomen. My digestion gets all whacked out when I'm stressed. I'll stop there to save you, singular reader. But, I bloat out and some of my cute pants don't button and then I get sad and more stressed and bloat out some more.
1. This will pass. The big event will be over and I'll deflate.
2. I can honestly say that I'm generally the same size I've always been. I've never been model thin - never will be - but I still wear the same size jeans that I did in high school.
3. Seriously, how is it possible to find a 3rd silver lining to stress bloat?!

Sunday Gratitude

Today I am grateful for...

• My super awesome husband - he's ever so patient with me and spent hours playing legos with our son and made some mean omelets. He's also the perfect person to make fun of Twilight movies with. 
• The sweet spirit in our home.
• A wonderful Sunday nap.
• The over-abundance of our garden.
• My super sweet boy and spunky little girl.

We see the world as we are, not as it is.

Have you ever noticed that most of your interactions are a direct reflection of your own personal attitude? If you're in a happy mood, the world seems to be a happier place. But, if you're in an awful mood, everyone's just a jerk. For example, I hate Walmart. HATE IT. But, I still go there and whenever I do I always find myself having an internal gripe session about how awful the people there are. Could it just be that they are all totally normal people and that it's just my own attitude that is creating this image?
I had the best experience this morning. I walked/ran the Ogden River Parkway Trail (or some of it - it's quite long). It was so beautiful - the weather was cool, the wind was blowing off the mountains, I could see some trees changing colors in the canyon up ahead, and I had finally found a trail that my dog could handle without any anxiety (no cars nearby - he's kind of a wuss). It just made my spirit happy. And, about 80% of the people who I passed smiled at me and said, "Good morning." I kept thinking to myself, "Wow, everyone here is in such a great mood, I wonder what the difference is between today and every other time that I've come here." And then I realized - it's me. I was feeling happier and that was reflected in the attitudes of those around me. Apparently I wear my emotions on my sleeve and just through a slight change in my facial expressions (or the state of my hair, I've been told), anyone can tell what I'm feeling. When I'm happy, I look happy, when I'm not, I don't. And, perhaps those times that I'm stressed about the behaviors of others, I'm creating it by holding a preconceived notion about their behaviors and creating an unapproachableness about myself. I mean, who would want to smile at and greet a Downer Debbie? Seriously, it's all self-fulfilled prophesy. I - most of the time - have complete control over what kind of experiences I'm going to have in my own little personal world by my own attitude. We all do.

Why this blog?

In the title of my blog, I have the Buddhist quote, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." In just three days, I have had experiences that have made me want to be more teachable, to transcend myself, and the learning moments have just flowed into my life. My teacher has appeared.

I created this blog probably months ago. I wanted to write, but I didn't know what to write about - and I liked the title. So, I snagged it up and waited. I've blogged before - mostly about my family and adorable children, but this blog will be different. While they will make occasional appearances, this blog will focus on my growth as I seek greater satisfaction in my life.

Two days ago, I had probably the grumpiest, most frustrating day I've had in quite some time. I overslept, got ready in record time (30 minutes is amazing for me), had a stressful day at work, came home to grumpy bumpkins, and ran everyone and their dog to a different activity throughout the evening until at the end of the night I was in tears from sheer exhaustion. The one bright spot of my day was during my 7:30 p.m. trip to Costco with my exhausted little ones in tow, when a book, "The Happiness Project" screamed out at me and begged me to take it home. It felt like serendipity. I rarely look through the books - especially when I'm in a huge hurry - but it was there by itself - no other copies around - and it magically ended up in my hands and then my cart and has since taken up residence in my purse to be perused at every available opportunity. I'm only on my 3rd chapter and already I'm inspired. And I have something to write about.

The next day I woke up exhausted, dragged myself to work, which took me from meeting to meeting. During a short break I received a call from my husband, informing me that my 90-year-old grandmother, my only living grandparent, had passed away. My immediate reaction was, of course, heartbreak. But, not for the obvious reasons. I have a belief system that insures me that I will see my loved ones after this life and that they will be united with those that they love who have already passed on. I've always been able to enjoy a certain measure of peace when I've lost someone dear to me. I was sad, however, because I never really had a chance to tell her goodbye.
My family moved to Utah from Texas five years ago and it was one of the most emotionally difficult situations of my life. I love Texas. It is my home. My family has lived there since before it was established as a state. I have deep roots there and it is a part of me. And, the people are amazing. On top of all of this, my daughter was only 3 months old and I was still wading through all of those powerful post-pregnancy emotions. When it was time to go, I avoided goodbyes the best I could. I wanted to believe that I'd be back soon enough and be able to see everyone again when I was in a more stable emotional state. I haven't had a chance to make it back yet. I never gave her a proper goodbye.
Throughout the entire day yesterday, my mind went through the courses of her life. I've tried to learn as much as I could about her life recently - it's been a mystery for quite some time - mostly because it was rather difficult. But, I feel like I've been able to learn a lot about who she was and what she went through. And, I thought, how quickly it must have passed for her. And how quickly my life is passing. I feel like I was 14 years old just yesterday and that was 20 years ago. I want to relish in every moment of my life and find joy in it and treasure my time with those I love.

So, in accordance with "The Happiness Project," I have created my list of "resolutions," though I hate that word. Everyone breaks resolutions. I want to make them my areas of improvement. Each month I will focus on a new area, adding upon what I had been working on. In the book, she focuses on something new each month for a year, but I don't think I'll give myself a limitation. I like constant improvement.

My 'areas of improvement' currently are as follows (not in any particular order):

• Wisdom
• Creativity
• Confidence
• Loving Patience (Charity) - particularly as a wife and mother
• House of Happiness & Order
• ...but loosen the OCD reigns
• Energy
• Peace
• Breaking Barriers
• Friendship
• Faith
• Healthy Body & Mind

I don't know if this blog will garner any level of readership. I would love it if it did, but in all honesty, I am most excited about this opportunity to learn and grow as I post about my experiences through this process.