In Defense of the Working Mom

I just read the following on Facebook and am, to say the least, fired up:

"People work because they cannot stand being around their children or because they put worldly possessions first in their lives."

When the writer wrote 'people,' he meant 'moms' in the context of the comments that were being made.

This bothered me, yes, because I am a working mom, but also because I am so sick and tired of judgmental generalizations and shaming other people. Even if I didn't work, this comment would have bothered me.

So, according to the comment above I can't stand to be around my children. Wow, so the fact that the days that I can swing picking them up from school are major highlights to me and that I will take work off to go on a field trip or pull them out of school for a birthday lunch means nothing. It must all be a façade. A way to make it look like I like being around them. Because, obviously I must not be able to stand their company since I hurry off to the office every day. But, that's just not right. I obviously love my children and schedule my free time around them, so it must be the other option. I must just be super-obsessed with worldly possessions.

That's right, folks I'm sitting up here on the hill, looking down on the rest of you. Driving my super fancy-shmancy cars (yes, plural), and carrying my $3000 purse. Let me share some facts with you:

• I live in close proximity to downtown Ogden in a cute little 1920s bungalow with one bathroom. Fancy, I know. And, by the way our location is getting better and better. We bought this house when we were still on one income and are still here because we are wise with our finances. We've put our blood, sweat and tears into making this house a lovely place to live.
• The public schools in our area are Title 1 schools, meaning the majority of the kids that go there live in poverty. This ain't no swanky neighborhood.
• We drive a 2004 Honda Civic and 1999 Astro Van. We take good care of them to avoid replacements. Of course, if we bought two new cars we could fit into that worldly image we apparently have much better...
• I shop for clothes primarily at Old Navy and buy everything on sale.
• The most expensive item of clothing I've bought cost $60 - and that was before I got married.
• My home is humble and well kept. It is warm and inviting.
• Get this - I don't own a cell phone.
• While we do have a few extras, they are for enriching the lives of our individual family members: gym memberships, dance classes, piano lessons, boy scouts, basketball, etc.
• The most I've ever spent on a purse is $20.
• I had my nails done once and felt guilty.

Hmmm... not looking too worldly, either. Could it be I work because it's what's best for my family?!

I didn't just wake up one morning and say, "Hey, you know, I'm just really sick of my kids and I want better stuff. I'm going back to work!" No, it took deliberation and soul searching, but it was the right decision for my family. I've been judged for this decision and have even lost a friend or two because of it. But, I know, and my entire family knows, it is what is right for us.

My children are not neglected. My husband and I work as a team to give them all of the time and attention they could ever want. They rarely need a babysitter and always have a parent with them before or after school. They know they are loved and always know that they have someone to talk to. They are successful and healthy have everything they need. I care about their education and send them to a charter school which, incidentally, requires a great deal of parental involvement.

I am not saying that every mom should be a working mom. I honor stay-at-home moms and the work they do. But, not all of us have the option and we should not be judged for our decisions. This is not the 1950s or 60s or even 70s. Life is not as simple. And, especially in the last ten years, the economy has just become wacked! I remember paying $.99 per gallon for gas and I have watched prices for everything rise and rise as payment for employment does not keep up with the demands of our economy.

I think what I want to say - what is most important here - is that we all need to get off of our high horses and stop judging! Stop making generalizations and realize that you cannot understand someone's life and their decisions until you have walked in their shoes. If you haven't been there, you don't know better than the person that is there right now. Let's all just be a little kinder and love each other for who they are. No one has the power to bring about positive change through negativity.