Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Silver Lining
Stress.
I am totally stressed. And, I really need to vent. Hope you don't mind. But, I have a little rule with my kids that when the complain, they have to rattle off three good things about what they're complaining about. I want them to grow up with positive attitudes and not be little pessimists. So, in the spirit of avoiding hypocrisy (and keeping up with the happy theme I'm trying to maintain here), here I go...
I am in charge of a HUGE event at my work. An event that happens only once every seven years and it's in 17 days. I've been at my job for a little more than three months and have built this event into the awesomeness that it's going to be. Everything's coming together, but there are still some loose ends. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this event. In short, I'm kind of freaking out like all of the time. And, then there are the people who have already been to prior such events who just aren't interested in going because they've 'been there, seen that,' even though mine is going to be WAY better. They'll be missing out. And then there's the friend of mine who's being a total jerk face about the whole thing and mocking it every time I turn around. Seriously - he's like that stupid kid who taunts a snarling dog. Keep it up, and you're going to get snapped at. I've had to exercise immense self control around him.
Good things:
1. I'm not married to the punk. His poor wife. So grateful for my wonderful husband who knows better (and just has more sense and isn't a total social retard) and wouldn't keep acting like an idiot after seeing that it clearly annoys me.
2. This event WILL go off without a hitch. I know it.
3. In 18 days, it will be done and I will have relief. I'll also probably be sick. Just watch. September 16. Anyone want to take bets?
School has started. I have a kindergartener who is in half a day and it's heartbreaking for me not to spend that time with her, a 2nd grader who's had a hard first week after an over-indulged summer, an 8th grader who's going through 8th grade drama, and my husband in his 2nd year of nursing school and the zombification that it holds.
1. I have children. Every day I'm so so so grateful to have them and to be their mother. I feel like I was specially blessed with my children.
2. My husband's in his 2nd year of nursing school - we're almost done (sort of)! The school he's going to is impossible to get in and he's almost done with this program! Seriously, even with his 4.0, he didn't get in until his second try.
3. I'm not an 8th grader anymore. Nor will I ever have to be. Halleluiah!
On top of school, we have piano lessons, dance classes, and (soon) cub scouts to truck everyone to. And, let me tell you, dance shoes/clothes for two girls.... well, I don't even want to talk about that.
1. My girls are in dance. I danced. It's so good for you - body, mind, spirit, identity - everything.
2. My son is a very talented pianist. I know, I sound like a mom tooting her own horn, but it's true. Just ask his teacher.
3. We can provide these things for our family.
This darn blog. I love to write. I'm one of those truly weird people who just love it. That's why I'm keeping this blog. That, and it's my own happiness project - an opportunity for me to record my growth. But, seriously, no one reads this thing and a girl needs a little ego stroking every now and again. I think my readership is 1 person. Whoever you are, thank you (most likely mom or dad...). Of course, it could just be me checking my blog before signing in to post something...
1. It's an opportunity for me to be creative. Creativity breeds more creativity.
2. There is a slight possibility that maybe some day somebody might read it and take something positive from it. Maybe.
3. It's a great sounding board for me. I'm highly visual. When I read things I understand them. When I write down my feelings, I understand myself.
And, finally, the stress bloat. Something horrible happens to my body when I stress. I bloat. Like a balloon. I'm sure it's not that bad, but I sure notice it. I don't think it's weight gain (wouldn't know, I've created a new rule about the scale - we don't talk) because the only place affected is my abdomen. My digestion gets all whacked out when I'm stressed. I'll stop there to save you, singular reader. But, I bloat out and some of my cute pants don't button and then I get sad and more stressed and bloat out some more.
1. This will pass. The big event will be over and I'll deflate.
2. I can honestly say that I'm generally the same size I've always been. I've never been model thin - never will be - but I still wear the same size jeans that I did in high school.
3. Seriously, how is it possible to find a 3rd silver lining to stress bloat?!
I am totally stressed. And, I really need to vent. Hope you don't mind. But, I have a little rule with my kids that when the complain, they have to rattle off three good things about what they're complaining about. I want them to grow up with positive attitudes and not be little pessimists. So, in the spirit of avoiding hypocrisy (and keeping up with the happy theme I'm trying to maintain here), here I go...
I am in charge of a HUGE event at my work. An event that happens only once every seven years and it's in 17 days. I've been at my job for a little more than three months and have built this event into the awesomeness that it's going to be. Everything's coming together, but there are still some loose ends. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this event. In short, I'm kind of freaking out like all of the time. And, then there are the people who have already been to prior such events who just aren't interested in going because they've 'been there, seen that,' even though mine is going to be WAY better. They'll be missing out. And then there's the friend of mine who's being a total jerk face about the whole thing and mocking it every time I turn around. Seriously - he's like that stupid kid who taunts a snarling dog. Keep it up, and you're going to get snapped at. I've had to exercise immense self control around him.
Good things:
1. I'm not married to the punk. His poor wife. So grateful for my wonderful husband who knows better (and just has more sense and isn't a total social retard) and wouldn't keep acting like an idiot after seeing that it clearly annoys me.
2. This event WILL go off without a hitch. I know it.
3. In 18 days, it will be done and I will have relief. I'll also probably be sick. Just watch. September 16. Anyone want to take bets?
School has started. I have a kindergartener who is in half a day and it's heartbreaking for me not to spend that time with her, a 2nd grader who's had a hard first week after an over-indulged summer, an 8th grader who's going through 8th grade drama, and my husband in his 2nd year of nursing school and the zombification that it holds.
1. I have children. Every day I'm so so so grateful to have them and to be their mother. I feel like I was specially blessed with my children.
2. My husband's in his 2nd year of nursing school - we're almost done (sort of)! The school he's going to is impossible to get in and he's almost done with this program! Seriously, even with his 4.0, he didn't get in until his second try.
3. I'm not an 8th grader anymore. Nor will I ever have to be. Halleluiah!
On top of school, we have piano lessons, dance classes, and (soon) cub scouts to truck everyone to. And, let me tell you, dance shoes/clothes for two girls.... well, I don't even want to talk about that.
1. My girls are in dance. I danced. It's so good for you - body, mind, spirit, identity - everything.
2. My son is a very talented pianist. I know, I sound like a mom tooting her own horn, but it's true. Just ask his teacher.
3. We can provide these things for our family.
This darn blog. I love to write. I'm one of those truly weird people who just love it. That's why I'm keeping this blog. That, and it's my own happiness project - an opportunity for me to record my growth. But, seriously, no one reads this thing and a girl needs a little ego stroking every now and again. I think my readership is 1 person. Whoever you are, thank you (most likely mom or dad...). Of course, it could just be me checking my blog before signing in to post something...
1. It's an opportunity for me to be creative. Creativity breeds more creativity.
2. There is a slight possibility that maybe some day somebody might read it and take something positive from it. Maybe.
3. It's a great sounding board for me. I'm highly visual. When I read things I understand them. When I write down my feelings, I understand myself.
And, finally, the stress bloat. Something horrible happens to my body when I stress. I bloat. Like a balloon. I'm sure it's not that bad, but I sure notice it. I don't think it's weight gain (wouldn't know, I've created a new rule about the scale - we don't talk) because the only place affected is my abdomen. My digestion gets all whacked out when I'm stressed. I'll stop there to save you, singular reader. But, I bloat out and some of my cute pants don't button and then I get sad and more stressed and bloat out some more.
1. This will pass. The big event will be over and I'll deflate.
2. I can honestly say that I'm generally the same size I've always been. I've never been model thin - never will be - but I still wear the same size jeans that I did in high school.
3. Seriously, how is it possible to find a 3rd silver lining to stress bloat?!
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Sunday Gratitude
Today I am grateful for...
- My super awesome husband - he's ever so patient with me and spent hours playing legos with our son and made some mean omelets. He's also the perfect person to make fun of Twilight movies with.
- The sweet spirit in our home.
- A wonderful Sunday nap.
- The over-abundance of our garden.
- My super sweet boy and spunky little girl.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
We see the world as we are, not as it is.
Have you ever noticed that most of your interactions are a direct reflection of your own personal attitude? If you're in a happy mood, the world seems to be a happier place. But, if you're in an awful mood, everyone's just a jerk. For example, I hate Walmart. HATE IT. But, I still go there and whenever I do I always find myself having an internal gripe session about how awful the people there are. Could it just be that they are all totally normal people and that it's just my own attitude that is creating this image?
I had the best experience this morning. I walked/ran the Ogden River Parkway Trail (or some of it - it's quite long). It was so beautiful - the weather was cool, the wind was blowing off the mountains, I could see some trees changing colors in the canyon up ahead, and I had finally found a trail that my dog could handle without any anxiety (no cars nearby - he's kind of a wuss). It just made my spirit happy. And, about 80% of the people who I passed smiled at me and said, "Good morning." I kept thinking to myself, "Wow, everyone here is in such a great mood, I wonder what the difference is between today and every other time that I've come here." And then I realized - it's me. I was feeling happier and that was reflected in the attitudes of those around me. Apparently I wear my emotions on my sleeve and just through a slight change in my facial expressions (or the state of my hair, I've been told), anyone can tell what I'm feeling. When I'm happy, I look happy, when I'm not, I don't. And, perhaps those times that I'm stressed about the behaviors of others, I'm creating it by holding a preconceived notion about their behaviors and creating an unapproachableness about myself. I mean, who would want to smile at and greet a Downer Debbie? Seriously, it's all self-fulfilled prophesy. I - most of the time - have complete control over what kind of experiences I'm going to have in my own little personal world by my own attitude. We all do.
I had the best experience this morning. I walked/ran the Ogden River Parkway Trail (or some of it - it's quite long). It was so beautiful - the weather was cool, the wind was blowing off the mountains, I could see some trees changing colors in the canyon up ahead, and I had finally found a trail that my dog could handle without any anxiety (no cars nearby - he's kind of a wuss). It just made my spirit happy. And, about 80% of the people who I passed smiled at me and said, "Good morning." I kept thinking to myself, "Wow, everyone here is in such a great mood, I wonder what the difference is between today and every other time that I've come here." And then I realized - it's me. I was feeling happier and that was reflected in the attitudes of those around me. Apparently I wear my emotions on my sleeve and just through a slight change in my facial expressions (or the state of my hair, I've been told), anyone can tell what I'm feeling. When I'm happy, I look happy, when I'm not, I don't. And, perhaps those times that I'm stressed about the behaviors of others, I'm creating it by holding a preconceived notion about their behaviors and creating an unapproachableness about myself. I mean, who would want to smile at and greet a Downer Debbie? Seriously, it's all self-fulfilled prophesy. I - most of the time - have complete control over what kind of experiences I'm going to have in my own little personal world by my own attitude. We all do.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Why this blog?
In the title of my blog, I have the Buddhist quote, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." In just three days, I have had experiences that have made me want to be more teachable, to transcend myself, and the learning moments have just flowed into my life. My teacher has appeared.
I created this blog probably months ago. I wanted to write, but I didn't know what to write about - and I liked the title. So, I snagged it up and waited. I've blogged before - mostly about my family and adorable children, but this blog will be different. While they will make occasional appearances, this blog will focus on my growth as I seek greater satisfaction in my life.
Two days ago, I had probably the grumpiest, most frustrating day I've had in quite some time. I overslept, got ready in record time (30 minutes is amazing for me), had a stressful day at work, came home to grumpy bumpkins, and ran everyone and their dog to a different activity throughout the evening until at the end of the night I was in tears from sheer exhaustion. The one bright spot of my day was during my 7:30 p.m. trip to Costco with my exhausted little ones in tow, when a book, "The Happiness Project" screamed out at me and begged me to take it home. It felt like serendipity. I rarely look through the books - especially when I'm in a huge hurry - but it was there by itself - no other copies around - and it magically ended up in my hands and then my cart and has since taken up residence in my purse to be perused at every available opportunity. I'm only on my 3rd chapter and already I'm inspired. And I have something to write about.
The next day I woke up exhausted, dragged myself to work, which took me from meeting to meeting. During a short break I received a call from my husband, informing me that my 90-year-old grandmother, my only living grandparent, had passed away. My immediate reaction was, of course, heartbreak. But, not for the obvious reasons. I have a belief system that insures me that I will see my loved ones after this life and that they will be united with those that they love who have already passed on. I've always been able to enjoy a certain measure of peace when I've lost someone dear to me. I was sad, however, because I never really had a chance to tell her goodbye.
My family moved to Utah from Texas five years ago and it was one of the most emotionally difficult situations of my life. I love Texas. It is my home. My family has lived there since before it was established as a state. I have deep roots there and it is a part of me. And, the people are amazing. On top of all of this, my daughter was only 3 months old and I was still wading through all of those powerful post-pregnancy emotions. When it was time to go, I avoided goodbyes the best I could. I wanted to believe that I'd be back soon enough and be able to see everyone again when I was in a more stable emotional state. I haven't had a chance to make it back yet. I never gave her a proper goodbye.
Throughout the entire day yesterday, my mind went through the courses of her life. I've tried to learn as much as I could about her life recently - it's been a mystery for quite some time - mostly because it was rather difficult. But, I feel like I've been able to learn a lot about who she was and what she went through. And, I thought, how quickly it must have passed for her. And how quickly my life is passing. I feel like I was 14 years old just yesterday and that was 20 years ago. I want to relish in every moment of my life and find joy in it and treasure my time with those I love.
So, in accordance with "The Happiness Project," I have created my list of "resolutions," though I hate that word. Everyone breaks resolutions. I want to make them my areas of improvement. Each month I will focus on a new area, adding upon what I had been working on. In the book, she focuses on something new each month for a year, but I don't think I'll give myself a limitation. I like constant improvement.
My 'areas of improvement' currently are as follows (not in any particular order):
I created this blog probably months ago. I wanted to write, but I didn't know what to write about - and I liked the title. So, I snagged it up and waited. I've blogged before - mostly about my family and adorable children, but this blog will be different. While they will make occasional appearances, this blog will focus on my growth as I seek greater satisfaction in my life.
Two days ago, I had probably the grumpiest, most frustrating day I've had in quite some time. I overslept, got ready in record time (30 minutes is amazing for me), had a stressful day at work, came home to grumpy bumpkins, and ran everyone and their dog to a different activity throughout the evening until at the end of the night I was in tears from sheer exhaustion. The one bright spot of my day was during my 7:30 p.m. trip to Costco with my exhausted little ones in tow, when a book, "The Happiness Project" screamed out at me and begged me to take it home. It felt like serendipity. I rarely look through the books - especially when I'm in a huge hurry - but it was there by itself - no other copies around - and it magically ended up in my hands and then my cart and has since taken up residence in my purse to be perused at every available opportunity. I'm only on my 3rd chapter and already I'm inspired. And I have something to write about.
The next day I woke up exhausted, dragged myself to work, which took me from meeting to meeting. During a short break I received a call from my husband, informing me that my 90-year-old grandmother, my only living grandparent, had passed away. My immediate reaction was, of course, heartbreak. But, not for the obvious reasons. I have a belief system that insures me that I will see my loved ones after this life and that they will be united with those that they love who have already passed on. I've always been able to enjoy a certain measure of peace when I've lost someone dear to me. I was sad, however, because I never really had a chance to tell her goodbye.
My family moved to Utah from Texas five years ago and it was one of the most emotionally difficult situations of my life. I love Texas. It is my home. My family has lived there since before it was established as a state. I have deep roots there and it is a part of me. And, the people are amazing. On top of all of this, my daughter was only 3 months old and I was still wading through all of those powerful post-pregnancy emotions. When it was time to go, I avoided goodbyes the best I could. I wanted to believe that I'd be back soon enough and be able to see everyone again when I was in a more stable emotional state. I haven't had a chance to make it back yet. I never gave her a proper goodbye.
Throughout the entire day yesterday, my mind went through the courses of her life. I've tried to learn as much as I could about her life recently - it's been a mystery for quite some time - mostly because it was rather difficult. But, I feel like I've been able to learn a lot about who she was and what she went through. And, I thought, how quickly it must have passed for her. And how quickly my life is passing. I feel like I was 14 years old just yesterday and that was 20 years ago. I want to relish in every moment of my life and find joy in it and treasure my time with those I love.
So, in accordance with "The Happiness Project," I have created my list of "resolutions," though I hate that word. Everyone breaks resolutions. I want to make them my areas of improvement. Each month I will focus on a new area, adding upon what I had been working on. In the book, she focuses on something new each month for a year, but I don't think I'll give myself a limitation. I like constant improvement.
My 'areas of improvement' currently are as follows (not in any particular order):
- Wisdom
- Creativity
- Confidence
- Loving Patience (Charity) - particularly as a wife and mother
- House of Happiness & Order
- ...but loosen the OCD reigns
- Energy
- Peace
- Breaking Barriers
- Friendship
- Faith
- Healthy Body & Mind
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